A Week of Lists: Party Friday

Admissions to Anonymous (plural):

1. I was always impressed that you could/would let people take care of you. I was also impressed that you could design and execute such monumental failures, barely survive them and then ride off into the sunset with one of those “caretakers” leading your horse.

2. You were absolutely correct when you accused me of being too busy building and tending to my “walls” to ever love you the way that you loved me.

3. I dreaded eating with you because you took such small bites and chewed for soooo long... When it took you more than thirty minutes to eat a plain, bean and cheese burrito at Taco Bell I wanted to slap it out of your hands and say, “What is the fucking matter with you?”

4. The reason I gave you those tickets to see Bad Religion was because you never failed to encourage my painting or inquire about my progress. The reason I refused to go with you with you to see them perform was because you were a dedicated alcoholic with a bad temper and those attributes had lost their charm.

5. At times I long to ”hang out” like we did when we were young… but I resist calling you because I find it difficult to imagine how we would get on today... now that you have become a complete and total mystery to me.

6. I started dating you the first time without any idea of how much weed you actually smoked… I dated you the second time around because I was bored so it no longer made a difference to me.

7. I have not forgotten that you once told me that nobody liked me while we were riding home together after school… I had no response because I didn't believe you when you said it and I “knew” that nobody like you either. (bitch)

8. When you asked me if I “partied” and I said “yes” it was because I thought you meant, like, you know… PARTY!!! The only reason I did all that blow with you in the bathroom was because I did not want you to catch on and accuse me of being lame.

9. Oh gawd, I totally thought that your sisters were annoying… “No meat in our kitchen... Ever!!!” manifesto handwritten, framed and hung on the wall… Get the hell over yourselves already… I know you skanks ate bacon.

10. I thought that you were joking when you asked me to move to Mexico with you but when I found out that you were serious I could have kicked myself for not saying yes immediately and then waiting around with you while your ramshackle truck got fixed… so we could leave.