9 Ways To Keep It Real (Like Really Real)

1.) Dominate

2.) top secret

3.) top secret

4.) Wink. (It didn't go out of style)

5.) top secret

6.) top secret

7.) top secret

8.) Eat a Pop Tart.

9.) Don't fucking regret eating that Pop Tart!

Button Down And Grab Your Bumbershoot!

The Car, The House, The Money... Oh MY!

Why am I unable to unclench my neck/shoulder muscles?

Am I frowning while I sleep? Is that why my face hurts?

It's difficult to find a stable footing when one is trying to balance on the tip of a knife... especially while trying to hug and kiss the people who mean the most.

Damn, I'm sleepy.

I Love Forever

I wish I had access to a button making machine... RIGHT NOW. So that I could produce hundreds of small circular stick-on-your-shirt-or-whatever-you-might-want-to stick-a-button-on items for all of my friends and family and strangers...

But, instead of reading, "I Love Forever," it would read, "I Am Going To Punch You In the Mug After You Read This" because unbridled sentimentality is for people who don't want to punch face... And people who don't want to punch face are liars/secret face punchers.