"Superman just doesn't die, right?"

said Evel Knievel's longtime friend and promoter, Billy Rundle.

Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel died today at age 69.

I loved Evel Kneivel when I was a kid. So did my older brother. So did every other kid who grew up when we did. If you didn't pledge you allegiance to Knievel you were unpatriotic. And a traitor... to the 70's.

What would the threat level be for that kind of treachery in today's world? Definitely NOT Red, White or Blue!

Viva Knievel!

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians vs. Cyclone Sidr Kills 350 in Bangladesh

I really wish that I knew where to start.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Wow. Wow! Whoa.

I grew up in Southern California and I, totally, salute this portrayal of life behind the Orange Curtain. Everything is sooo, literally, orange... and by "everything" I mean the skin. Also, nearly every inch of hair has been fried an eye blistering shade of blond. classy.

And, I don't think I even need to mention the implants. Because I already did. When I mentioned Southern California.

Enough said.

Pervez

Dear GPM,

You are a Total Badass, right?

Then why are you allowing yourself to "go grey" in such an unfortunate fashion? In this photo it looks as though you have actually placed a hairpiece of especially false proportions on top of your authentically withering hair. And then not even thought to make sure that all contrasting fuzz has be concealed! That's not even hardcore.

Even if your appearance here is merely the circumstance of an unfortunate camera angle you are not exactly in the position to be letting your guard down. Are you? This is not the hairstyle of a future dictator. Honestly, you almost resemble Monchichi. And everyone knows Monchichi was a thumb sucker.

I suggest shaving your head. It is the one true signifier of a Badass coming into his/her own.

Case in point, Natalie Portman:

Here, she looks like she is merely contemplating giving you a fierce beat down. Calculating? Perhaps. At most, though, she is probably only willing to go so far as to "vibe" the hell out of you.

However, here it looks as though she has every intention of destroying you... that she has no other choice because that is Just... What... She... Does. Unmitigated beat downs are her "thing." See those dead eyes? So calm. So peace filled. So awesome. You know, kicking ass leaves her entirely untraumatized and not the least bit dehydrated.

So, fucking DO IT, Perv. Get rid of that ridiculous hairdon't. (or the person who took/published that photo) You could be, like, Dictator King Pervez Musharraf. Awesome.

Sincerely,
The Aftermath Kitchen.

Sixteen Breakfast Clubs

I have never been comfortable with the fact that Molly (Princess) Ringwald's hair style changes so noticeably throughout The Breakfast Club. Or the fact that she is obviously not actually applying mascara on Ally (Basket Case) Sheedy's lashes during the "makeover" scene.

Was Anthony Michael (Brian/Brain) Hall wearing his green sweatshirt inside out the entire time?

Did I date HIM because he looked so much like Judd (Criminal) Nelson? Damn. Judd Nelson? Jesus.

Oh Emilio (Athlete), you were the shortest of them all and supposedly the most popular. We all knew you would fuck the Basket Case over when all was really said and done... but it was such a perfect ending how could we not choose to believe.

(hagadaga)

Romantic

I loved you the moment I saw you. Even though I was "dating" someone else and even though I didn't know that what I felt, split secondly, was love. But that was how it was.

And now that I have become more familiar with this love I can look back and recognize that in that moment I was given a chance to open up my heart... and I took it.

If You Say Run, I'll Run With You

When I lived alone on 3rd Street I kept my television under a cardboard box which I then used as an end table.

I was so productive back then.

but I was also really productive when I lived with that chick who used to be such a fuh king bitch to everyone that would call on the phone for me when I was/wasn't home...ugh. but I also used to keep my TV under a box back then.

at our house, I cover the television with a large green felt "curtain," which I made when I was fat, in order to keep the giant-ness of the TV hidden from small eyes. however, this cloth is not as opaque or even shield-like as cardboard (my faithful friend) and I find my self searching the eye of our TV almost every night... in very much the same way that I fine tooth comb the iteraneto-hi-ho... for a sign. i never really find what i am looking for and I am so much more or less unproductive.

like now; SNL rerun hosted by Jerry Seinfeld... David Bowie, the musical guest, is sporting a yellow under/hot pink over shirt combo sounding very unlike the David Bowie that I... is that M'chelle N’Degeocello playing bass? no? love ...is D wearing lip gloss and no eyeliner? what? 1999 was not a good year for the Thin White Duke...

Dear Used-To-Be-Thin-White-Duke,

On October 31st, 1995 I saw you perform (with Tin Machine, right, I tried to forget that) at the Palladium in LA... with my then boyfriend... and his coke dealing/super fun to hang out with best friend.
Keanu Reeve's band, Dogstar, opened for you. We were standing in the front row. Oh jeeez, they were terrible.
Because it was the 90's and Keanu and You(!) on Halloween my enthusiasm remained wholehearted and authentic... especially as the night wore on and I found myself eating a delicious burrito near Hollywood and Vine.

Love,
The Aftermath Kitchen

... this SNL rerun really isn't helping my productivity any. But neither is this felt curtain. Or my love of television.

Oh cardboard, where did I go wrong?