Late Night, But Not Too Late To Check Yourself

Dear Carmindy,

Hmmm. You are so enthusiastic about administering trowel-loads of foundation, mascara, blush and especially lip gloss/liner to the faces of the newly locks-shorn victims of What Not To Wear? Unfortunately, and contrary to your dialogue, the make-up you apply does not look "natural."

Your (possibly) coked-out smile says, "I mean everything I say!" ...Your wild (totally coked-out) eyes plead, "Please kill me before the toxins in all of these cosmetics do!"

Honey, your name is Carmindy that alone shoots your cred straight to hell. Sable brushes and perma-smile will not fool viewers into forgetting. Please quit this job, dye your hair (don't ask Nick to do it!), wash your face and stop smiling. Relax. You are probably quite young (I think) Enjoy it while you can.

Love,
The Aftermath Kitchen